Closure

Shriya got up.She was out of breath.For no reason at all,she has been waking up sharp at 3 AM since some months,most days;exasperated. Adil was sleeping peacefully.Shriya looked at his face,he looks like a child when asleep.How can a grown man,otherwise at his most masculine best,ends up looking like a child while asleep.Guess we are our most uninhibited vulnurable self in our dreams.
After a quick visit to the washroom,Shriya put on her earphones and started her most frequented Youtube playlist,that is the only way Shriya can put herself back to sleep.She has tried counting sheeps and repeating number series many times,nothing really worked for her.Shriya needs to be exhausted in order to fall asleep.In the silence of the night her mind travels a thousand miles an hour.A journey of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.A journey that she has no wish to onboard.


Office next day has been uneventful.Almost ready to wrap up for the day,Shriya was called at Boss's cabin.Vikram had quite a few delegates at his room,Shriya hesitated for a moment before entering."May I come in?"Shriya knocked at the door and entered. "Yes Shriya,we have been waiting for you only.Mr.Banerjee,this is the person I was telling you about.Meet Shriya Ganguly,she is the perfect addition to our team of due diligence.She is best at negotiation and client handling.We can really use her for this deal." A delegate turned to welcome Shriya,for a moment;time froze.Standing in front of Shriya was Abir.Abir Banerjee..the love of her life;Or used to be.


Abir quickly composed himself. "Hello Shriya,pleased to welcome you to our team."
"Thank you" Shriya managed to gain her composure as well."We really do not have time Shriya,next week,we are reaching Brussels on Monday;the workshop wil commence from Tuesday and we will have only 3 days to impress them.We have got to get this deal Shriya,Banerjee will explain their initial learnings and KYC of client.Just get going from there."
Shriya was not really listening.In her mind,she was the Shriya of year 2007,hopelessly in love with Abir Banerjee,the final year college topper.


Shriya and Abir's was a match made in heaven.The tomboy Shriya became a lady when she met Abir,felt so many emotions for the first time.Abir was her first love and first many things.Shriya never knew someone could want her so passionately.Shriya never felt so desirable ever before.
Abir's parents did not like Shriya.His father,an ex-scientist found that Shriya's kundali has dosh.Abir told Shriya that she will achieve nothing in her life.Shriya will be an absolute failure,will never travel abroad,has no future and will end up having extra-marital affair post marriage. A heart-broken Shriya pleaded Abir to fight for her..fight for their love.Abir said,he cannot.Then Abir got a job and left for Mumbai,Shriya had no way of connecting with him ever again.He did not call her a single time.



Shriya cried for days,month and years.Contemplated giving up on her life but moved on eventually.In the process of rising from the ashes,Shriya became Miss Shriya Ganguly.A hardcore professional who also manages her personal life with elan.
Shriya loved again,against her parents choices.Fought with them then convinced them for Adil,thus the first inter religion marriage in Ganguly-Poribar.


Shriya and Adil were best friends.Adil stood by Shriya during their first job through thick and thin as a colleague,which is rare in corporate world.Friendship turned to mutual admiration and love,followed by a court marriage with blessings from elderly.They are a happy couple living a decent life together.

Though a good guy,Adil came with his share of baggages,he confided in Shriya about one of his Ex-girlfriends once,Pallavi.
Pallavi was Adil's first love.Adil could not pursue that relationship as it happened while he was a fresher in college.Still clueless about his future and not strong enough to stand against his parents wish,he gave up.He regretted it for years,but have come to terms with it.

Though Shriya judged Adil,she could not help but fall in love with him.Whom we love and whom we end up with,are rarely in sync.However,Shriya loved the man Adil became,the fact that he accepted and regretted his misdeeds.After all we all are flawed in some way or the other.


The week next was over as soon as it was started.They have won the deal.Shriya was relaxed throughout as she had told Adil about Abir's dramatic entry in her life.Adil had full faith on her which boosted Shriya's faith on herself.Shriya was part of a team led by Abir and did her part perfectly,good networking was achieved. The day before the return flight,Shriya was sitting alone in the conferrence room for sometime doing some paper-work.Rest of the team had gone for a coffe break.A knock on the door,Shriya turned back to see Abir standing at the door. "May I come in"Abir spoke in a shaky voice. "Yes,please"Shriya responded. Abir entered and sat down.

"I have been meaning to talk to you,how have you been ?"Abir was looking less than confident,he could not look into Shriya's eyes and was visibily uncomfortable.
"Exactly how you are seeing me.How have you been"Shriya was poised in her response.
"I am doing OK.Shriya,I have been meaning to apologise..just could not find the right words.It was long time back and we were so young."Abir seemed to be fumbling as he tried to speak.
"What are you sorry about Mr.Banerjee?I am not the girl you knew once.Your words have no meaning to me.I would appreciate if you keep this strictly professional."
"But Shriya!"Abir continued in a choked voice.
"You see Mr.Banerjee,I need to leave right now.Have some personal calls to make.Please excuse me."
Shriya got up,gathered her papers and left the room.Not looking back for a second


Nowadays,Shriya sleeps peacefully.She has stopped waking up at odd hours.She is a calmer version of herself.On a random Sunday,while sipping a cup of tea in her balcony,Adil asked Shriya,"I thought you let the guy go pretty easily.Frankly speaking I was agitated throughout the time you were in Brussels.I would not have let you go in the first place had it not been absolutely necessary.I am pretty proud of how you handled it."
Shriya reflected,"All these years,I never imagined I will ever be able to hold myself together if I ever see him again.I was afraid of what my action would be.I had even contemplated punching and breaking his nose if I ever encounter him."
Shriya seemed genuine.Adil was laughing."And why didn't you".Adil asked somehow controlling his laughter.


Looking deep into Adil's eyes,Shriya said only one thing;"Because you too are Abir in Pallavi's story,and hopefully,Abir is Adil in someone else's story."

The Clueless Stalker

“Who resets these lifts..damn..!!”Shriya  was cursing the unknown person who had reset the expected lift to reach the seventh floor of building 3C,Techzone IT Park.It has been ten minutes since she is waiting and the fifth lift to not reach the seventh floor.Shriya is new to this branch of Techzone situated in the corner of Kolkata and she already dislikes it.A new transfer case,that was her identity in the HR wing of Techzone Saltlake and she was forced to visit Techzone Rajarhat for a prospected project interview  which much to her dislike she seemed to  have cracked already .

                      “Hi there..” Shriya looked at the source of the voice.”How was your interview?”A guy,with normal featues kept on speaking .”I saw you inside with Malay Da,you joining the LBS project?”

Shriya felt a bit uncomfortable. Speaking to overfriendly guys was not in her nature. She had a bit of a snobbish image which she is aware of, though it is mostly because she takes little interest in socialising.Shriya knows herself, though in her early twenties, she had trusted enough, befriended enough and had been hurt enough.

But this guy seemed harmless. With his Big puppy dog spectacled eyes and side partitioned hair, he looked mostly like the average “good boy” belonging to the first row of his class. He did not even look old enough to be working in an MNC.”Not my type..” was the first thing that came into Shriya’s mind.

“Ya,attended and unfortunately got selected”,Shriya responded.What about you?You too interviewed there?

“Ya,but not sure about my results.Lets see what happens.Yet to get any confirmation from HR,it’s been two months you know that I am on bench.I feel so bored when there is nothing to do.I really want to get into a development project””OK! Nerd alert!” thought Shriya.”Another dull coder-boy”Shriya hates this kind. Finally the lift came. They both got in and part ways. Luckily for Shriya the boy left stays in Kestopur which is opposite to Ruby where Shriya is headed.

  Next day,Shriya reported LBS.To her surprise the nerd was also there,as expected he approached with a goofy smile.”Hey there,I too got selected as a developer,HR informed via mail in the evening.Sorry forgot your name.This is Binay.””You didn’t forget”responded Shriya .”What!”Binay looked confused.”You didn’t forget.You didn’t ask my name.I am Shriya” Shriya forced a smile.”Oh!”Binay seemed assured.

Post a brief presentation about the upcoming project,they had hardly any work to do and were told they can leave for the day.LBS is an old account,a new scratch development project requirement has come from clientside,for which LBS is doing ramp up and have taken in Shriya,Binay and few others.Days went by like this only,with nothing much to do.Binay went through few of the requirement specifications provided by the client that were supplied within team.He even made a POC with a similar requirement to present  to client as asked by the lead. Whenever he was not working, he was staring at Shriya.At times she caught him staring at her. Whenever this happened, either Binay looked away or would throw an under-confident smile if it’s too obvious.Shriya was irritated and made sure to avoid this freaky-geek. Flirts she can handle,but needy nerdy stalkers  are a strict no.

It was a Tuesday,May 5^th .Their was a deadlinenext day of a POC that Shriya was working on.LBS has strict protocols when it comes to deadlines.First there will be an internal review where Shriya will give a presentation on what she has developed.If satisfied,that shall be sent to onsite for customer review.If this does not go well,Shriya may be released from LBS and asked to report to HR for some other assignment. This will leave a bad impression in her credibility and Shriya is not one to let this happen.

Shriya had lost track of her time. When she wrapped up her work it was 9:15 PM.Shriya thought to call a cab but that will be too late.The next bus to Chingrihata leaves in fifteen minutes.Shriya rushed and was able to catch the bus just in time.On her way,Shriya thought ,from Chingrihata she must get something at 10 PM when she will reach.

Shriya reached at 10 PM sharp .They say bad luck comes unannounced and so was Shriya’s case today.There was some weird puja today,some less knows goddess worship.But as bengalee just need an excuse to celebrate and have a holiday,there was absolutely nothing available.Shriya wished for a taxi, thinking might be coming by the ladies special 11PM office cab service would have been a better idea, but nothing came as she waited.

A sumo approached.Shriya thought this might be a shuttle that will drop her at Ruby or worst at Science City,but when it stopped,there was no passengers inside.”Come in!” said the fishy looking driver. But Shriya thought its wise not to ride in an empty shuttle. Even the helper looked evil.

Just when the shuttle left another car approached, a Ford Ecosport.The car overtook Shriya and stopped.Shriya felt uncomfortable.The place where she was standing had hardly any passer-by.

The car door opened. Nobody came out but it remained opened. As if inviting Shriya in.”What is going on..”,Shriya was wondering, just then a bike rushed in and stopped behind the car infront of Shriya.”Hop in!”said a familiar voice.It was Binay. “You in this direction”Shriya was shocked.”It’s late I have to reach office early tomorrow,please don’t waste time.I gotta go back all the way after dropping you”Shriya hurriedly sat behind Binay without asking anymore question.

Binay dropped her at her doorstep.All the way they spoke nothing. Just once Binay said”I wanted to make sure you reach safe.This area is not safe at this time for girls.”For the first time in her life,Shriya was having a crush on a hopeless not upto the mark nerdy stalker.

The rebound...

No one is irreplaceable,that's the lesson we get when we get a re-bound.Perhaps, all these time,post a heart-break,turning into an octogenarian mentally,we kind of really become mister and miss Know-it-all,specially if it were "true love" or the assumed "The one".Then after a long duration,for some months,for some years later,it really hits us good that we really do not have much time left.Thus enters the rebound,some one who makes you feel kiddish,makes you wanna compensate for the time lost,makes you wanna live again fully..for the first time in life,you become unapologetic for your behavior.
                           It's all part of growing up,understanding own selves,exploring possibilities,all through staying true to own-self.You realize life is what is out there.Not in pondering over past mistakes,but to be daring enough to make some more in future.Everything is okay.What had happened and what will.We just have to hang in there,live in the present,have fun,being happy.Being with the ones who make us happy. As long as we have the capability of loving someone selflessly,we are alive.Stay no string attached.Leave no stone unturned.

A perfect summer romance....

Everything was going all right,the way it was supposed to,and then they met..she was with her friends,he was with his gang jamming on the beach..their eyes met,she was looking pretty ,her soft curls were loosely tied ,the soothing summer breeze making them fall on her face,she did not try hard to move them away,as she was lost listening to the guitar he was playing,she was feeling something she never experienced before,yes she had many lovers..but this was extra-ordinary,it felt like every line of that song was touching somewhere deep inside of her..and the way he was looking at her,while singing..she felt like there were only two of them,as if it was meant to be..they knew each other forever..there was no need for any introduction ..any explanation..

she knew it will not go anywhere,and she was not a person who would just go all the way for the sake of  intimacy,and she came out of a relationship just a year back..a bad one ,and the scars were still unhealed..she knew it was a time to move on,but she was not ready..the music ended and all the people gathered there stood up,applauding..and she somehow left that place,none of her friends noticed,but his eyes were fixed on her and he tried searching for her inside the crowd..but she was not there...

and then they met again,at first she wanted and tried her best to avoid him,but when two hearts connect,all efforts go wasted..slowly they started seeing each other,her heart pounded fast whenever he was with her..they shared silence more than they shared words..just being with each other,walking,hand in hand..whenever he embraced her,she melted in his arms..when they kissed,she felt blessed...

just thinking about him gave her immense pleasure..it was an out of the world experience for her,talking over phone...he made her feel like a teenager...deep inside her heart she knew this will not go any-where..they were from two different worlds,he was not someone she sees herself being with in future and so she tried best to remain sane,but she just could not help it..


then the vacation was over..they met for the last time..exchanged numbers,but....could not talk much..what was there to say?they both had seen lives and knew this was in store,and now the time has come to let go...slowly life will follow its normal course and they will survive,new people will come..newer romances...this was something they had to do..so they kissed one last time...as long as they could...and went their separate ways...will they meet again?life will tell...for the time being they need to continue living their lives,playing their parts and maybe praying for their paths to cross again,when  they may decide to be together forever...this was just not one of those times...

BEGINNING of an END...........

As I set my foot on the pedestal of a new chapter of my life all together,a question seems to bug me...what are all the things that I am giving up...and what are the things I am going to get...and is it really worth it..?is it what I should be doing?and somewhere,I know that the possible answer is a big NO...I for one,have always been a person scared of making bold decisions when the price at stake is my career,and as a result of choosing the most convenient decisions,finally have landed a job in an IT company like 90% of B.TECH PASS OUTS...and consequently because of that will be leaving my beloved home,people and the city I have always lived in all my life...in a way,I feel good as this is how I wanted things to be...in an other way,feel scared...excited...and so many mixed-up emotions difficult to explain...

I now realise,every new beginning has its obvious ending...and similarly every ending has another potential beginning....our lives,each and every moment,continue reminding us this fact through so many examples and signs...some we capture and hold......some go overlooked,unnoticed..and we continue living..

I have always been a believer of signs,and made so many wrong decisions because of that...always taken chances on wrong people..but then..maybe,I missed the more stronger and meaningful signs and chose to believe the convenient ones..ones that made me relaxed..gave me momentarily happiness..and then later on left me shattered and hopeless..

But I also know,that when we have nothing left to lose,there is no fear of losing either......and starting to gain is the only way out..life has always been a story of "survival of the fittest" and who am I to not abide the law?

What is the conclusion of this write-up/blog-post???well,unlike my previous ones,this does not have any..because I still am confused..if it is the beginning or the end.....and the kid inside me wants to have both somewhere somehow...its like watching that photograph in which u can not tell if it is a sunrise or sunset,as it captured the brief moment of one,which exactly looks like another of the other...

The RainBow called Friendship..!!

I still remember my very first best-friend,Ankita Pal,we were three years old back then,I loved her because she used to do everything I would want her to do and I,being a slight megalomaniac,have always enjoyed authority even when I was a kid..we only had one giant swing in our montessori and she always used to let me ride,never fought with me and used to fight with the other boys if they would bug me in someway...that was me three years old.. After joining Jodhpur Girls in 1st standard,I was mostly lonely and my best-friends used to change every year..I wasn't what you call a popular kid,in fact I was considered a nerd,very much into books and least concerned about looking pretty and talking about boys till standard eight..Then I got my best ever friend,Ria,a girl who was opposite to me in each and every possible way,hates studying,always having crush in some hot guy she saw on her way to school,very pretty and cute and of course popular and in demand among the boys of neighbouring schools.What made us best of friends was possibly because of the fact that we were opposite..I used to feel happy when she got complements for her looks and she would be proud on me if I got the highest marks in History even if she flunked in Geography..

          After twelfth,we went our separate ways,she studied in Kolkata in JU in ECONOMICS Hons,I took engineering,but never the less we kept in touch..In my technical college,the initial days were cruel,I got ragged by seniors,something they called INTRO(INTRODUCTION IN SHORT).They made me propose them in many ways,and I had to propose the senior bhaiyas in KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI STYLE,in GHULAM style and many more..I still remember 1st time a senior bhaiya forced me to say "I LOVE YOU" to him..I cried all my way back to my girls hostel in the bus,felt as if I  am emotionally raped  for saying  those three words to a stranger as I had never said it to anyone before.

After a while,B.TECH  had gotten  into me..I started to find even more creative  ways to propose those seniors if they ask me (specially if he was a cutie),and became a very popular junior.Made many friends in college,mostly Non-Bengali and mostly boys,and had FUN and experimented in every ways through out my DEGREE years.The level of comfort we shared,our group,was a point of jealousy for many..We were friends and could talk about absolutely anything to each other,they were always just a call away, for me and if I had a heart-break,they would always receive my call and hear me out and slang the one who broke my heart and made me feel okay!!GOD..I MISS YOU GUYS...

We made many promises..to be in each others lives once college is over.Well, in life I have learnt one thing..PROMISES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN..and we have to deal with it..life drifted all of us apart and we do not know  WHAZZUP with the other..and amazingly,mostly I am okay with it ...and I know they too are..for it takes two to tango..and to keep in touch..

 Now,in my professional life,mostly everything is formal and cordial,there is no place to be KEWL for it will cost me my job..But as always,now also I get to have some colleagues who are there when I need a hand,and I believe,they are actually friends in disguise,everybody needs somebody..they also seek friendship the way I do.. like that song "somebody to love"

Friends will come and go..but if we remain good within and be able to remember the basic lessons of being nice,loyal and have a good heart,we will find them again..lots more friends to come..and the ones who were there,will also come back and when they do,without any judgement ,grab their hands ...hold them tight and never let them go..they once made your life colourful..filled your life with the V-I-B-G-Y-O-R of their love and kindness and a lovely relationship called friendship..CHEERS TO LIFE...CHEERS TO FRIENDSHIP!!

THE BOOGEYMAN IS COMING TO GETCHYA...!!!

 

 "You better go to sleep right now!"-Father ordered Pushkar.."No papa,please tell me another story."-little Pushkar urged.."It's 8.45 Pushkar,you know what will happen if you don't sleep by 9 "...4 years old Pushkar knew the answer,with fear in his eyes,he snuggled up against his father..What papa?"BOGEYMAN WILL COME...and then ..he will take you away..to his home in hell..and then he will peel your flesh off your body,and one by one,he will tear your hands off ..then your legs and finally your head..!"little Pushkar was already under his blanket,eyes shut with immense force and breathing heavily..His father switched off the light and with a visible grin on his face left the room,closed the door and exclaimed "KIDS...! HOW SILLY THEY CAN BE...!"

This was a story of a 4 year old,scared of an unknown creature,who,as per as his fathers description had two faces,could walk forward and sideways(don't ask me how),and had 128 teeth,and four eyes and God knows how many weird body-parts.Pushkar never saw him,but he trusted his father,and his mind,unaware of the reality,because of his small age and lack of knowledge and also because it was filled with the colours of imagination,inspired by his bed time fairy-tales and stories of dragons,wizards,prince charming and Cinderella was easily affected..

But,at our different points in life aren't we all like Pushkar,in some way or the other.Scared of the unknown,afraid of taking chances and prefer to keep our eyes shut in order to avoid the ugly facts of life and society at large.I mean,we,all of  us,at some point or the other in our lives have encountered situations where we should have reacted,but we did not,because we were scared..How many of us are having their dream career?We chose what is more convenient than what we should be doing,I am not saying that I am any different and I do know that money is important.But,it is also very important to understand our own special god-gifted talents as well,and cherish and nurture them,if not as a career then as a hobby,because trust me,when you are doing what you are good at and you enjoy,it fills your heart with joy,a pleasure of being able to do what you were meant to do,a feeling that like all good things in life,leaves an unavoidable impression on your soul.

There is a new commercial that I saw some days back,similar set-up,But,here,instead of being scared of the Bogeyman,the little kid asked his father back if he had ever met him or not.When he declined ,the kid responded,if THE BOGEYMAN was there at the time when his father was that young,then he must be pretty old now.No point feeling scared of such an old chap..he would easily defeat him in a fight..

That actually gives us a very important lesson,of not being afraid of the real BOGEYMAN or the different bullies that we encounter in life.Lets use our brains and think things through.Lets use our eyes to see the situations and circumstances and do the needful,lets shout and scare the Bogeyman away..Lets fight him back..Atleast lets show the courage to know the unknown,because if we do,we may realise,these so called powerful strong Bogeymen of our society are actually weak and insignificant,aged and invalid with their century old ideas and values ..having no power to think things beyond their narrow and sceptic visions.Lets not be that,lets be logical,brave,and honest.Honest to our ownselves and to others.That is the only way to live,with your head held high and with a heart full of courage and confidence.

Pushkar did not have a choice,because he was naive and very young but mostly because he trusted his father.There are times when people whom we love and trust most,unknowingly become our weaknesses,giving us the wrong idea inspite of having our best interests in their minds.It is not their fault ,it is what they think is right.It is upto us to accept and its upto us to chose..For we are no longer  kids anymore,and if we are sure of something then we can make our loved ones see it too..and make them proud and our own selves happy.