A perfect summer romance....

Everything was going all right,the way it was supposed to,and then they met..she was with her friends,he was with his gang jamming on the beach..their eyes met,she was looking pretty ,her soft curls were loosely tied ,the soothing summer breeze making them fall on her face,she did not try hard to move them away,as she was lost listening to the guitar he was playing,she was feeling something she never experienced before,yes she had many lovers..but this was extra-ordinary,it felt like every line of that song was touching somewhere deep inside of her..and the way he was looking at her,while singing..she felt like there were only two of them,as if it was meant to be..they knew each other forever..there was no need for any introduction ..any explanation..

she knew it will not go anywhere,and she was not a person who would just go all the way for the sake of  intimacy,and she came out of a relationship just a year back..a bad one ,and the scars were still unhealed..she knew it was a time to move on,but she was not ready..the music ended and all the people gathered there stood up,applauding..and she somehow left that place,none of her friends noticed,but his eyes were fixed on her and he tried searching for her inside the crowd..but she was not there...

and then they met again,at first she wanted and tried her best to avoid him,but when two hearts connect,all efforts go wasted..slowly they started seeing each other,her heart pounded fast whenever he was with her..they shared silence more than they shared words..just being with each other,walking,hand in hand..whenever he embraced her,she melted in his arms..when they kissed,she felt blessed...

just thinking about him gave her immense pleasure..it was an out of the world experience for her,talking over phone...he made her feel like a teenager...deep inside her heart she knew this will not go any-where..they were from two different worlds,he was not someone she sees herself being with in future and so she tried best to remain sane,but she just could not help it..


then the vacation was over..they met for the last time..exchanged numbers,but....could not talk much..what was there to say?they both had seen lives and knew this was in store,and now the time has come to let go...slowly life will follow its normal course and they will survive,new people will come..newer romances...this was something they had to do..so they kissed one last time...as long as they could...and went their separate ways...will they meet again?life will tell...for the time being they need to continue living their lives,playing their parts and maybe praying for their paths to cross again,when  they may decide to be together forever...this was just not one of those times...

BEGINNING of an END...........

As I set my foot on the pedestal of a new chapter of my life all together,a question seems to bug me...what are all the things that I am giving up...and what are the things I am going to get...and is it really worth it..?is it what I should be doing?and somewhere,I know that the possible answer is a big NO...I for one,have always been a person scared of making bold decisions when the price at stake is my career,and as a result of choosing the most convenient decisions,finally have landed a job in an IT company like 90% of B.TECH PASS OUTS...and consequently because of that will be leaving my beloved home,people and the city I have always lived in all my life...in a way,I feel good as this is how I wanted things to be...in an other way,feel scared...excited...and so many mixed-up emotions difficult to explain...

I now realise,every new beginning has its obvious ending...and similarly every ending has another potential beginning....our lives,each and every moment,continue reminding us this fact through so many examples and signs...some we capture and hold......some go overlooked,unnoticed..and we continue living..

I have always been a believer of signs,and made so many wrong decisions because of that...always taken chances on wrong people..but then..maybe,I missed the more stronger and meaningful signs and chose to believe the convenient ones..ones that made me relaxed..gave me momentarily happiness..and then later on left me shattered and hopeless..

But I also know,that when we have nothing left to lose,there is no fear of losing either......and starting to gain is the only way out..life has always been a story of "survival of the fittest" and who am I to not abide the law?

What is the conclusion of this write-up/blog-post???well,unlike my previous ones,this does not have any..because I still am confused..if it is the beginning or the end.....and the kid inside me wants to have both somewhere somehow...its like watching that photograph in which u can not tell if it is a sunrise or sunset,as it captured the brief moment of one,which exactly looks like another of the other...

The RainBow called Friendship..!!

I still remember my very first best-friend,Ankita Pal,we were three years old back then,I loved her because she used to do everything I would want her to do and I,being a slight megalomaniac,have always enjoyed authority even when I was a kid..we only had one giant swing in our montessori and she always used to let me ride,never fought with me and used to fight with the other boys if they would bug me in someway...that was me three years old.. After joining Jodhpur Girls in 1st standard,I was mostly lonely and my best-friends used to change every year..I wasn't what you call a popular kid,in fact I was considered a nerd,very much into books and least concerned about looking pretty and talking about boys till standard eight..Then I got my best ever friend,Ria,a girl who was opposite to me in each and every possible way,hates studying,always having crush in some hot guy she saw on her way to school,very pretty and cute and of course popular and in demand among the boys of neighbouring schools.What made us best of friends was possibly because of the fact that we were opposite..I used to feel happy when she got complements for her looks and she would be proud on me if I got the highest marks in History even if she flunked in Geography..

          After twelfth,we went our separate ways,she studied in Kolkata in JU in ECONOMICS Hons,I took engineering,but never the less we kept in touch..In my technical college,the initial days were cruel,I got ragged by seniors,something they called INTRO(INTRODUCTION IN SHORT).They made me propose them in many ways,and I had to propose the senior bhaiyas in KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI STYLE,in GHULAM style and many more..I still remember 1st time a senior bhaiya forced me to say "I LOVE YOU" to him..I cried all my way back to my girls hostel in the bus,felt as if I  am emotionally raped  for saying  those three words to a stranger as I had never said it to anyone before.

After a while,B.TECH  had gotten  into me..I started to find even more creative  ways to propose those seniors if they ask me (specially if he was a cutie),and became a very popular junior.Made many friends in college,mostly Non-Bengali and mostly boys,and had FUN and experimented in every ways through out my DEGREE years.The level of comfort we shared,our group,was a point of jealousy for many..We were friends and could talk about absolutely anything to each other,they were always just a call away, for me and if I had a heart-break,they would always receive my call and hear me out and slang the one who broke my heart and made me feel okay!!GOD..I MISS YOU GUYS...

We made many promises..to be in each others lives once college is over.Well, in life I have learnt one thing..PROMISES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN..and we have to deal with it..life drifted all of us apart and we do not know  WHAZZUP with the other..and amazingly,mostly I am okay with it ...and I know they too are..for it takes two to tango..and to keep in touch..

 Now,in my professional life,mostly everything is formal and cordial,there is no place to be KEWL for it will cost me my job..But as always,now also I get to have some colleagues who are there when I need a hand,and I believe,they are actually friends in disguise,everybody needs somebody..they also seek friendship the way I do.. like that song "somebody to love"

Friends will come and go..but if we remain good within and be able to remember the basic lessons of being nice,loyal and have a good heart,we will find them again..lots more friends to come..and the ones who were there,will also come back and when they do,without any judgement ,grab their hands ...hold them tight and never let them go..they once made your life colourful..filled your life with the V-I-B-G-Y-O-R of their love and kindness and a lovely relationship called friendship..CHEERS TO LIFE...CHEERS TO FRIENDSHIP!!

THE BOOGEYMAN IS COMING TO GETCHYA...!!!

 

 "You better go to sleep right now!"-Father ordered Pushkar.."No papa,please tell me another story."-little Pushkar urged.."It's 8.45 Pushkar,you know what will happen if you don't sleep by 9 "...4 years old Pushkar knew the answer,with fear in his eyes,he snuggled up against his father..What papa?"BOGEYMAN WILL COME...and then ..he will take you away..to his home in hell..and then he will peel your flesh off your body,and one by one,he will tear your hands off ..then your legs and finally your head..!"little Pushkar was already under his blanket,eyes shut with immense force and breathing heavily..His father switched off the light and with a visible grin on his face left the room,closed the door and exclaimed "KIDS...! HOW SILLY THEY CAN BE...!"

This was a story of a 4 year old,scared of an unknown creature,who,as per as his fathers description had two faces,could walk forward and sideways(don't ask me how),and had 128 teeth,and four eyes and God knows how many weird body-parts.Pushkar never saw him,but he trusted his father,and his mind,unaware of the reality,because of his small age and lack of knowledge and also because it was filled with the colours of imagination,inspired by his bed time fairy-tales and stories of dragons,wizards,prince charming and Cinderella was easily affected..

But,at our different points in life aren't we all like Pushkar,in some way or the other.Scared of the unknown,afraid of taking chances and prefer to keep our eyes shut in order to avoid the ugly facts of life and society at large.I mean,we,all of  us,at some point or the other in our lives have encountered situations where we should have reacted,but we did not,because we were scared..How many of us are having their dream career?We chose what is more convenient than what we should be doing,I am not saying that I am any different and I do know that money is important.But,it is also very important to understand our own special god-gifted talents as well,and cherish and nurture them,if not as a career then as a hobby,because trust me,when you are doing what you are good at and you enjoy,it fills your heart with joy,a pleasure of being able to do what you were meant to do,a feeling that like all good things in life,leaves an unavoidable impression on your soul.

There is a new commercial that I saw some days back,similar set-up,But,here,instead of being scared of the Bogeyman,the little kid asked his father back if he had ever met him or not.When he declined ,the kid responded,if THE BOGEYMAN was there at the time when his father was that young,then he must be pretty old now.No point feeling scared of such an old chap..he would easily defeat him in a fight..

That actually gives us a very important lesson,of not being afraid of the real BOGEYMAN or the different bullies that we encounter in life.Lets use our brains and think things through.Lets use our eyes to see the situations and circumstances and do the needful,lets shout and scare the Bogeyman away..Lets fight him back..Atleast lets show the courage to know the unknown,because if we do,we may realise,these so called powerful strong Bogeymen of our society are actually weak and insignificant,aged and invalid with their century old ideas and values ..having no power to think things beyond their narrow and sceptic visions.Lets not be that,lets be logical,brave,and honest.Honest to our ownselves and to others.That is the only way to live,with your head held high and with a heart full of courage and confidence.

Pushkar did not have a choice,because he was naive and very young but mostly because he trusted his father.There are times when people whom we love and trust most,unknowingly become our weaknesses,giving us the wrong idea inspite of having our best interests in their minds.It is not their fault ,it is what they think is right.It is upto us to accept and its upto us to chose..For we are no longer  kids anymore,and if we are sure of something then we can make our loved ones see it too..and make them proud and our own selves happy.

when Soul meets Soul...

I was feeling scared...for no practical reasons,not one that is significant..But I was scared..Just started blogging 2 days back,and already I felt I no longer am that motivated..felt that there is nothing that is forcing me enough to think more,to dig down deeper and then it happened...Something stirred inside me..a slight twitch in my heart..and I felt alive..once again..

There is a question that had always haunted me..DOES SOUL MATES EXIST?and...if they do...will I find mine??and what will happen if I lose him,after finding..where will it leave me?will I be able to carry on with that void,that emptiness inside me,will I be able to move on?or will I be shattered and become a reason to be judged by family,people who know nothing about me ..and the society at large who mostly  know how to criticize.I mean we feel better when someone else is in trouble even if we have much to feel sorry about our own selves..Because that is what cheers us up when we know that others are suffering too,and even better if they are in a worse condition..

without diverting from the topic,I kept on wondering,do I have a twin soul in this world,did I already find him and could not recognize and just have walked passed by him,or is he yet to come...AND..WILL HE EVER COME?
After doing some soul-searching,I realised,the chances of me encountering my soul mate in this life-time is if not negligible then also pretty less,I was sad..scared,and felt hopeless..

That dark cloud of sadness did not last long though,for I felt if everything starts with a zero and ends with a zero,for there was once just a beginning and there is no such end yet,and also going with SCIENCE'S LAWS OF ENERGY CONSERVATION and all the rests,the remains of our mortal being will be left in this world in some form or the other even when we will not exist,our soul will also remain in this world and it will continue its search,its never ending search for its mate,and till it finds it,it will keep on reincarnating in some bodily form or the other,that is why love is beyond explanation,timeless and also not gender biased..because LOVE ,in its true sense,is a search of one soul's to find its mirror image and then together they will form the pure flame of union and thus will be dedicated to the Almighty!


If we are lucky,we will find it in this lifetime,if not ,the journey will continue,the search will go on crossing over the over-rated boundaries of  life and death.The journey along the way will nurture us..and also will lead us to the destination..

THE GIANT HEELS ......

Three days back,I was supposed to go out with my cousin sister to a restaurant in order to celebrate a treat.As usual, I was late and fell asleep just before an hour ,thanks to my sweet patient sister who knows these bad habits of mine and kept on calling me till I got up,I managed to leave home around half an hour late to the scheduled time,and ,as expected I could not find the right pair of shoes to wear with my dress at the last moment and somehow found out a pair of real-high heels that I bought more than a year back but hardly wore them .Whenever I tried wearing them in past (not more than 5-6 times),it caused either really painful blisters or ankle sprains and when luckily none of those happened,I had to be real  cautious while walking and had to take each and every step slowly,afraid of having a bad fall and be a joke in a public place..

 My usual not -so-slim built was also what was going against my walk,making each and every step difficult and  painful.

But the heels,which from outside looked extremely pretty,(though I do not suffer from any shoe-fetish unlike most of my girl-friends)but getting rid of  those pretty heels was extremely difficult.I could not walk and had to take an auto on my way to the restro,though I preferred to walk that small-walk.

This reminded me of a guy a close friend of mine used to date,being with him she felt exactly this same way,he had a highly educated background,okay looks,they had similar interests and she learnt many things from him (some she shouldn't have)and a great job.A guy most of the girls love to date.But unlike her,he used to judge everything by their brand values,had no strong sustainable emotions,no power to go by what he felt and knew was right,kept on hurting her telling her how she was not good enough for him,and she,being a stupid silly romantic girl,believed in him,She felt so much for him that  she blindly trusted him and each and every promises he made ,all of which,he broke in the end.

He was same as the pretty heels..alluring...addictive..catchy,hard to get rid of..and she definitely was,all "HEAD OVER HEELS" for him, but thank-god, she managed to get rid of him in the end..though it took a hell lot of time.

What would life be if they still be together,she still be with him,he preferred to get married by the time she turns 24,for he just could not wait(if you know what I mean)..and for his sake,even if she had got married to him,he would keep on reminding her that she is not pretty ,rich or good enough for him,for the outside world she would be a lucky girl ,married to a gem of a boy,having a bright future ahead and living happily ever after with no financial worries..just like wearing the pretty shoes..

These painful heels were a good reminder for me,next time,I will buy one which fits me and also complements the person I am,the one that would make my journey of life a pleasant and comfortable one..and I can go on miles and miles wearing it..!

@12.35 am... coming your way...midnight mayhem....!

Me,writing...writing blogs....this is scary....and why???because some unknown guy adviced me to write after reading my post in some random community...this has happened before,I always loved writing ever since I could remember...and if I am not mistaking,I did try to create a blog once before also...and wrote something as stupid as "hey am getting bored...thought to do something silly..well did it..ciao!!!"

SO...Why now?why today..?is it because I have got nothing to do???or is it because I got 130 likes from unknown strangers in my fb-post in some community...or is it because someone very special happened to me who unknowingly inspired me and also brought me back to the once real antara I used to be...???
 or is it because like all good things in life this is also an accident...but then again,is anything ever is "just an accident??"

maybe its all the above and much more...but mostly,I do feel that having a voice,no matter how loud or low,but having a voice is indeed very important,no matter which age you belong to ,no matter which profession you are in...one should always have an opinion...God gave you a brain to do some useful and wishful thinking and a heart to feel and only one short life to live....and use all your organs properly!and also knowing how to enjoy each and all of them... (all pun intended)... :|
SO...here I am...at 22...exercising my right to write,speak and maybe scream (who knows) ...